So there's this psychoanalyst at this new place I live at now. Everyone has a psychoanalyst here. Here are a few questions he asks me every session. I don't think he has a right to find out what's in my brain. It's my brain and only I know what's going on inside. I hate when people think that they can take what's going on in your head, and act like they know everything about you just because they have a damn PHD. So here are the questions he asks me. Every. Goddam. Session.
Q: "Holden, are you going to apply yourself when you go back to school?"
A that I wish I could say (but really just think because this guy makes me nervous):
-That's such a dumb question. How do you know how you're going to do until you actually do it?
You don't.
Q: "Holden, do you have frequent thoughts of suicide?"
A that I wish I could say (but really just think because this guy makes me nervous):
-For the last time no! But I may, if you ask me this question one more goddam time!
Q: "How does Allie's death make you feel?"
A that I wish I could say (but really just think because this guy makes me nervous):
-Allie is still alive. I talk to him every day, you bastard. Just stop with the questions. It's making me nervous. It really is.
Q: "So why do you think you're here?"
A that I wish I could say (but really just think because this guy makes me nervous):
I'm a fucked up person. I REALLY AM. But being around all these psychos everyday doesn't make it any goddam better.
These questions make me so fed up. He probably thinks that asking me a question a bunch will make my answer change. It doesn't though. Take my word for it.
All I know is that I need to leave this place. It's so quiet here, and it only makes me think of all the people that I spent time with in my life. It makes me feel lonesome as hell, because I'm stuck here until Fall. I miss everyone. Even the jerks like Stradlater and Ackley. I'd rather be socked in the face by Stradlater again than be here right now.
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