How to Avoid Perverts

Ever since I woke up to Mr. Antolini's damn hand on my head, I've been depressed as hell. I still respect him like hell, because maybe that's just what he does. Pats peoples heads and all. But I just don't want to be around someone who made me so uncomfortable. When I'm around someone or something perverty I sweat like a bastard. I can't stay calm. I hate it. Anyone, I mean ANYONE that you least expect can be a helluva pervert. They really can. Take my word for it.
Perverts come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Perverts always seem to find their way to me.
Here's how to avoid them:
1. Don't go to a dingy hotel in New York City. This is pervert headquarters (Especially the Edmont).
2. If you do end up staying in a dingy hotel, close your blinds. You don't want a perverty man looking in your windows at night.
3. If someone looks like a pervert, they probably are a pervert. Stay away from them.
4. Be careful around anyone after they have been drinking. The alcohol could bring out the pervert in them.
Take the advice from someone who has experience with perverts. New York City is filled with them.
Here's a video on how to defend yourself.

Just kidding(about the video part). But it's a real crack up, right?